Helping Employees Embrace Reality and Overcome Self-Deception

Sometimes, the biggest challenge in improving someone’s performance is helping them recognise that improvement is needed.

An employee may believe their work is already good enough, even when results suggest otherwise. Another may dismiss feedback because they have been doing the same job for years. Some genuinely believe they are meeting expectations because nobody has clearly told them otherwise. This is where self-deception can become a problem.

Self-deception happens when we hold on to a view of ourselves or our performance despite information that challenges it. It can prevent us from recognising mistakes, accepting feedback or seeing where our abilities need improvement. For leaders, the challenge is to help employees see their performance more accurately, without making them feel personally attacked.

Recognising Self-Deception in Employees

Self-deception is not always easy to recognise. People may genuinely believe what they are saying, even when their understanding differs from what is happening. Here are three signs worth paying attention to:

• Overestimating performance: An employee believes they are performing well despite repeated gaps between their results and agreed expectations.
• Dismissing feedback: Suggestions are quickly rejected with comments such as, “I’ve been doing this for years” or “My way has always worked.”
• Overlooking repeated mistakes: Similar problems keep occurring, but the employee sees each incident as unusual or unrelated.

These behaviours deserve further discussion, although they do not automatically prove that someone is deceiving themselves.

An employee may have received unclear feedback, misunderstood the performance standards or lacked access to important information. For example, a salesperson may believe they are managing customer relationships effectively because customers are friendly and regularly agree to meetings. However, a review of their accounts may show declining purchases, fewer new opportunities and unresolved customer concerns.

The salesperson’s confidence may be genuine. The problem is that their understanding of relationship quality relies on personal impressions rather than a fuller picture of customer behaviour. A useful starting point is to explore what the employee believes is happening and what the available evidence actually shows.

The Importance of Embracing Reality

Being realistic about our performance requires us to recognise both what we do well and where we fall short. It also means being willing to reconsider an opinion when new information becomes available. For employees, this can lead to three practical improvements:

• Better self-awareness: They develop a clearer understanding of their abilities, work habits and areas requiring attention.
• More informed decisions: They become less dependent on personal impressions and more willing to examine results, feedback and other relevant information.
• Greater openness to learning: They can identify specific skills or behaviours that need improvement rather than assuming their existing approach is sufficient.

Consider an experienced employee who believes they communicate instructions clearly. When several colleagues misunderstand the same instructions, the employee initially concludes that people are not paying attention. After reviewing how the instructions were given, they discover that important details were missing and different people understood the deadlines differently.

Recognising this allows the employee to improve how they communicate expectations and check understanding. The benefit comes from identifying the actual performance gap and addressing it.

Coaching Strategies to Overcome Self-Deception

Helping employees recognise an uncomfortable reality requires care. A direct accusation such as “You’re only fooling yourself” is unlikely to encourage an open discussion. Leaders can use three approaches to make these conversations more constructive.

1. Make Performance Expectations Clear

Employees need to know what good performance looks like before they can assess themselves accurately. Explain the expected results, work standards and behaviours using examples that are relevant to their responsibilities. For a salesperson, this might include the quality of account plans, customer follow-up, opportunity development or accuracy of sales forecasts. When expectations are specific, both the leader and employee have a clearer basis for reviewing performance.

2. Compare Perceptions with Evidence

Ask employees to assess their own performance before sharing your observations. You may discover that their understanding differs from yours. Instead of immediately correcting them, explore the reasons for the difference.

For example, an employee might rate their customer follow-up highly because they contact customers regularly. However, the records may show that several important customer requests remain unresolved. The discussion can then examine what effective follow-up should achieve, beyond the number of calls or messages made. Evidence helps make the conversation more specific and fair.

3. Encourage Employees to Test Their Assumptions

When employees are convinced that their existing approach works, encourage them to try a different method and compare the results. A Sales Executive who believes that product presentations are the best way to engage customers could try spending more time understanding customer needs before presenting a solution. After several customer meetings, review what changed in the conversations and how customers responded. This allows the salespeople to learn from their own experience instead of feeling pressured to accept the leader’s opinion.

Steps for Developmental Conversations

When an employee’s view of their performance differs from what you observe, a coaching conversation can help both parties understand the gap.

Step 1: Understand Their Own Assessment

Begin by asking how they think things are going. Allow them to explain what they are satisfied with and where they believe improvement may be needed.

Step 2: Share Specific Observations

Discuss actual work examples, results or feedback that may present a different picture. Avoid broad statements such as “You always overestimate yourself.” Focus on what can be examined together.

Step 3: Explore the Differences

Ask what might explain the gap between their assessment and the evidence. There may be missing information, unclear standards or habits that the employee has not previously questioned.

Step 4: Agree on Something to Try

Choose one specific behaviour or working method that the employee is willing to improve. Agree on how the change will be observed or measured.

Step 5: Review What Actually Changes

After an appropriate period, examine the results together. Discuss what improved, what remained difficult and whether the employee’s understanding of their performance has changed. The purpose is to help employees develop a more accurate view of their work and make better decisions about their development.

Coaching Questions to Embrace Reality

These questions are designed for natural one-to-one conversations. Choose those that suit the situation rather than asking all fifteen in one session.

Understanding How They See Things

1. How do you feel things are going with your work lately?
2. Which part of your work do you think you’re doing well?
3. What makes you feel that things are going well?
4. Is there anything you’re finding more difficult than before?
5. What have you been hearing from your customers or colleagues?

Looking at the Actual Situation

6. Can we look at the results together and see what they tell us?
7. Is there anything here that surprises you?
8. What do you think is causing this difference?
9. Have you noticed this happening before?
10. Is there something we may have overlooked?

Being Open to Improvement

11. What feedback have you received that you haven’t looked into yet?
12. Is there another way you could try doing this?
13. What do you think you may need to improve?
14. What would help you see whether the change is working?
15. When we meet again, what should we look at to see if things have improved?

These questions give employees room to reflect on their own views while considering information they may not have paid enough attention to.

A Workplace Situation: When Experience Creates a Blind Spot

Consider a senior Sales Executive who has managed several important accounts for many years. He is confident in his customer relationships and believes that his experience allows him to anticipate what customers need. However, his manager notices that some customers have gradually reduced their purchases. During account reviews, the executive explains that these customers are facing difficult market conditions.

The manager decides to examine the situation more closely. Rather than questioning his experience, the manager reviews the purchasing patterns and recent customer interactions with him. They discover that while the executive maintains regular contact with familiar buyers, he has had limited discussions with newer decision-makers. Some customers have also introduced new purchasing requirements that he has not fully explored.

The manager asks, “We’ve been working with these customers for a long time. Do you think their needs may have changed without us realising?”. This opens a different conversation. Together, they agree to review the affected accounts, speak with the relevant decision-makers and identify what has changed in each customer’s business. At the next review, they will examine what he has learnt and whether the new information changes his account plans.

This illustrative situation shows how experience can sometimes make people overly confident in their existing knowledge. The manager’s role is to help the employee recognise where that knowledge may need updating.

Conclusion

Most employees want to believe they are doing a good job. However, confidence, experience and familiar working habits can sometimes prevent them from recognising gaps in their performance. Leaders can help by making expectations clear, discussing observable evidence and encouraging employees to question their own assumptions. This also requires leaders to remain open to the possibility that their own assessment may be incomplete.

When employees and leaders are willing to examine the same facts, acknowledge what they do not know and learn from the results, performance conversations become more useful. The ability to see things as they are gives us a better chance of improving what we do next.